Brothers in arms - The story of the Bishy and the Lenzie
Much of what follows is true.

At the start of the 20th Century, in order to prevent war, Europe's great powers had grouped into two hostile alliances. Each of these superpowers had a great superarmy. On one side were the so-called "central powers" - Germany, Austria-Hungary, Bulgaria and Turkey (we shall call them "the Lenzie") and on the other were the allied powers - Britain, France, Belgium, Russia and Italy (we shall call them "the Bishy"). The plan was that each army would act as the other's deterrent thereby avoiding a damaging and destructive war. There was, to quote a middle ranking First World War Veteran named Captain A. MacDougall, "one slight flaw in the plan."

The plan put the whole of Europe on a knife-edge and, to thoroughly mix my metaphors, just needed the slightest spark to ignite the storms of war.

According to lowly Private G. Shaw the spark came when "Archie Duke shot an ostrich because he was hungry" (his account was later deemed to be somewhat confused). In fact, it was the assassination of the Lenzie's Archduke Franz Ferdinand while he was visiting Hungary (which we shall refer to as "Kirky", and which was then part of the Lenzie empire) which actually started the ball rolling. He was assassinated by a "Kirky" protester who wanted to be free from the evil Lenzie Empire. In retaliation, and urged on by scheming factions, Lenzie invaded neighbouring Serbia (Croy). So it was that elements of "the Lenzie" and "the Bishy" alliances were in turn drawn into this hitherto localised conflict in Kirky. The conflict rapidly escalated into what became "the Great War, 1914-1918".

Kicking-off in the summer of 1914, most people thought the Great War would be over in time for Christmas. No one realised how long it would actually last or how terrible the cost would be. Both sides stubbornly dug in and engaged in the stagnant trench warfare of attrition which was to typify the conflict on the "Western Front". Captain MacDougall again provides some insightful analysis of the situation:
"For two and a half years, the Western Front looked as likely to move as a Frenchman who lives next door to a brothel".
The Somme battlefield was the scene of some of the bloodiest fighting of the Western Front. There were more than a million casualties during the Battle of the Somme, which took place between 1 July and 18 November 1916. The first day of the Somme offensive was the bloodiest in the history of the British Army. On that day alone, more than 20,000 soldiers were killed and 60,000 injured. By comparison, less that 100 American soldiers have so far been killed in the current Iraq conflict. The offensive was intended as a decisive breakthrough for "the Bishy". Instead it became a slow battle of attrition. Again, we turn to Captain MacDougall for insight:
"A war hasn't been fought this badly since Olaf the Hairy, chief of all the Vikings, accidentally ordered eighty thousand battle helmets with the horns on the inside."
The myth of the uncaring general - safely dining and drinking in his chateau while the front-line troops lived and died in squalor is a common perception of life in the First World War. However, 78 British and Dominion officers of the rank of Brigadier General and above died on active service in the First World War while a further 146 were wounded. Contrary to popular belief, some British Generals frequently went close enough to the battle zone to place themselves in considerable danger. Despite this, the common perception persists that the primary strategic war objective of high ranking generals such as General the Honourable Mark Colhurst Maxwell St. Barleigh Simpson of the Bishy was "to move their drinks cabinet six inches closer to Berlin". Such a perception is not accurate however and at opulent ceremonial banquets, General Simpson could often be heard cursing his Chateau Lafitte, wishing instead that he was waist deep in mud and barbed wire facing down the barrel of a menacing German machine gun.

Back on the front line, while on a tip-top top secret mission in a field hospital, Captain MacDougall was asked by a flirtatious young nurse whether he had someone special in his life.
MacDougall replied "Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I do".
"Who?" The nurse asked.
MacDougall replied "Me".
"No, I mean someone you love and cherish and want to keep safe from all the horror and hurt", responded the nurse.
"Mmmm, still me, really" came MacDougall's acerbic reply.
In the opposing trench, Obertleutnant Van Roberts did have "someone special in his life". He was engaged to be married to Frau Paul. While he was fighting in France the couple wrote to each other as often as possible. On 24 March 1917 he wrote:
My dearest Elaine
Just a few lines dear to tell you I am still in the land of the living and keeping well, trusting you are the same dear, I have just received your letter dear and was very pleased to get it. It came rather more punctual this time for it only took five days. We are not in the same place dear, in fact we don't stay in the same place very long...we are having very nice weather at present dear and I hope it continues...Fondest love and kisses from your loving Sweetheart
Matan
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Company Sergeant-Major J. Hough of the Bishy also had someone special. On July 20 1918 he wrote this letter to his wife moments before he was ordered over the top. It was to be delivered in the event of his death.
My own beloved wife,
I do not know how to start this letter. The circumstances are different from any under which I ever wrote before. I am not to post it but will leave it in my pocket, if anything happens to me someone will perhaps post it. We are going over the top this afternoon and only God in Heaven knows who will come out of it alive…If I am called, my regret is that I leave you and my bairns. I go to him [God] with your dear face the last vision on earth I shall see and your name upon my lips…When this reaches you for me there will be no more war, only eternal peace and waiting for you…we shall meet again when there will be no more parting...
Eternal love from
Yours for evermore
Jonny
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Captain F. Munro of the General Stationary Staff made a similar final entry in his diary on the eve of the "big push over the top". Less eloquent, it simply said "bugger".

Gradually, the tide of battle turned and the Lenzie armies began to retreat back to the bog. Demoralised workers, suffering from food and fuel shortages, threatened revolution on the streets of Lenzie. Lenzie leaders, fearing a communist take-over, eventually asked the Bishy for peace. The armistice came into effect at 11am on 11 November, 1918.

Peace at last.
Obertleutnant Van Roberts was killed in action on 27 March 1917. His wife, Frau Paul was devastated and never married. She died in 1974 and was buried along with Van Roberts letters as had been her wish.

Captain Munro of the General Staff, along with his comrades in arms, Captain Adamus MacDougall, Private G. Shaw, General the Honourable Mark Colhurst Maxwell St. Barleigh Simpson all died in action on July 20 1918.

Company Sergeant-Major J. Hough survived and was later reunited with his wife and family. There wasn't a single day of his life when he didn't think about his fallen brothers in arms. His war-time correspondence with his wife is currently on display in the Imperial War Museum's First World War Remembered exhibition.

No-one could accurately quantify exactly how many people had been killed in the First World War. Best estimates suggest that up to 10 million men lost their lives on the battlefield and another 20 million were wounded.

In the peace of the First World War, were sown the seeds of destruction of another later, greater conflict. The First World War resulted in a radical and controversial reshaping of the European map that left many bitter and resentful. The armistice left much of Europe facing severe economic hardship which was a catalyst for the communist revolution. It imposed a harsh peace on the Lenzie and left many, not least a young Lenzie soldier who had served in a Bavarian Regiment named Adolf Hitler, bitter and intent on exacting revenge and restoring Lenzie pride. His chance would come.

There are currently just 33 members of UK's World War I veterans association left. In just a few years there will be no one left that fought in the Great War, 1914-1918.
They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.