National Cheese Duellists Society

The ancient art of Cheese duelling originates in Western Switzerland, where matters of honour were settled in the most civilised fashion afforded at the time: for two opposing Gentlemen to choose their preferred dairy product, walk twenty paces, turn and hurl.

The Swiss soon realised that the most appropriate weapon was not Sour cream or curdled milk, but the sturdy cheese that could be found in plenty throughout the region, and so the first duels were fought with Swiss cheese.

As civilisation progressed, the Swiss Duellists realised that the multitude of holes apparent in their chosen cheese-type made the cheese less aero-dynamic than those that had begun to appear from abroad: these new cheeses had improved strengths and textures, but also additional benefits such as stronger smells and (in some special cases) shorter shelf-lives. Duellists took it upon themselves to explore the benefits of these new and potentially more deadly cheeses, and it was not long before the number of cheese-related fatalities had increased an hundred fold as amateurs chose inappropriate cream-cheeses which were pitted against rock-solid Edam-balls.

And so it was decided that a National Cheese Duellists Society should be set up, to teach duellists the many benefits and detriments of each type of cheese, and how best to set about making use of the finer qualities apparent in certain types.

This Society is not backed by any major political powers - we receive no Government funding, so please support us any way you can, and give generously.

We accept Baby-bel wax wrappers, which are recycled and used as toilet paper at Norwich Union.